Date night

Although we have been married almost 14 years and have 5 children, we still need to spend time together 'dating'. Like most busy parents of active young children, we find that we need to make sure we spend quality time together. We are lucky in that we manage to get away on our own every year, often for a weekend, sometimes just overnight, thanks to parents or siblings. Time like this is precious and important in a marriage. We also manage to average at least once every couple of months going out on our own, although this doesn't always work out!

One thing we try to do is have a weekly date at home. Generally this is Saturday night. The kids go to bed a little earlier, as they're up late at karate training on a Friday night, and we prepare a meal together that's a little bit fancier than we would normally eat, or occasionally we'll order a takeaway. We'll either eat and talk at the kitchen table, or watch a movie together. It's just a chance for us to relax and unwind together after a busy week, and something that we both look forward to.

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Technology time

For our family, the best way for us to manage technology time is by setting limits. Ones that the kids know, and have come to accept. For each family it is different, and this is simply what currently works for our family.

We have a Wii, and during term time it is only played on Friday and Saturday evenings. This allows weeknights to be used for homework, activities, family time, without the constant nagging to play the Wii. The kids know that it is a weekend only treat, and this helps them to appreciate the time they spend playing it (of course it does not mean there are no arguments!! Just that we can limit arguing over the wii to Fridays and Saturdays! ;) we are a little more relaxed during the holidays, but still do our best to ensure that hours aren't wasted on it.

The TV is allowed on during the week, after school. I generally don't allow TV in a school morning as there really isn't time for it, but in the evenings, if homework is done, then the kids get to watch something. They particularly like the Disney Channel, and the programmes so far seem to be family friendly, so we don't have an issue with them. We generally discouraged too much tv watching if it's a summers evening, since I prefer the kids to be outside playing. More often than not the TV only goes on after dinner whilst we are putting the little ones to bed. The older 3 choose a show and will watch it whilst we do stories and baths for the youngest.

One thing we try hard not to do is have TV be the last activity before bed. Our preference is reading, I'm no expert in child development, but reading definitely helps to relax our kids before they fall asleep.

Mobile phones.

Our children (and so far this only applies to the oldest) get a phone when they start secondary school. We personally don't think there is a need for one before this time, but every family is different. They pay for it themselves from their pocket money (hubby found a deal which, after cashback works out to less than £1 a month) and it is a basic phone. This means if it is lost or stolen it is not a huge expense to replace. It also makes it far less likely to be stolen. We do not allow phones or technology in bedrooms. They are to be used during the day when the rest of the family is around, and bed time is for sleeping. This may change as the children get older, but for now we do not see any reason why a 12 year old would need to be calling or texting after 9pm.

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Summer holiday activities

Actually, these activities could be used at any time, I usually find the need for them more in the six week summer holiday.

Homemade playdough, I found this recipe online years ago, so unfortunately am not sure where to quote the source from. It is really quick and easy, and makes great playdough every time. If stored in an airtight bag or tub it keeps for ages.

Baking. Measure out ingredients for a simple sponge cake and leave older kids to make themselves. So much pleasure is gained from a fairly simple activity.

Mix together 4 ounces sugar with 4 ounces butter/margarine. Add 2 eggs, mix together, add 4 ounces of flour, gently mix. Cook for 15-20 mins until firm and cooked through.

Potion making

Place a selection of dry ingredients into the sections in a muffin pan (eg, hot chocolate, gravy, rice, flour, custard powder, whatever you have to hand) give the kids a bowl and a plastic spoon (so as not to scratch the muffin tin!) and let them play. My kids love mixing up 'potions' if I'm feeling exceptionally in form, I allow them to add water at the end! Adding it at the end makes for a lot less mess than giving it to them in the beginning!

Ice/frost cookies. Have on hand a packet of rich tea, or other cheap, plain biscuits. Mix up some icing sugar and water (directions will be on the packet) and let the kids get to work. If you have sweets such as smarties or chocolate buttons, they always go down well. Add food colouring to the icing to make it more fun for the kids.

Create a 'boredom' jar. This is the first year we have done this thanks to a friends facebook post. I wrote activities and chores on slips of paper in a jar, and the kids got to choose any one they wanted, without reading it. They ranged from 'sweep under the table' to 'make a short video' to '15 minutes on the wii/ipad. I was surprised how many times they were willing to risk getting a chore in order to try and get one of the 'golden tickets' as we labelled them- one with a set amount of time on some form of gadget or computer! This helped us on days where we mostly stayed at home.

Scavenger/treasure hunts. Now that the kids are older they enjoy making these up for the little ones. Some simple ones are find something beginning with every letter of the alphabet, or clues that lead from one room to another around the house (such as 'the room you clean your teeth in') ending up with finding a small treat.

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End of school organising tip

I have been asked before what do I do with all of the 'stuff' that having five children creates. I will hopefully answer this question over a series of blog postings, but due to the time of year decided to start with this question first; 'how do you store all of the school books and homework each child brings home at the end of the year?' Answer? I don't! Simply put, I don't store it.

When they bring home their bags full of the years work, I set aside a time to look through it, where I enjoy reading some of their stories and answers to RE questions, and then I begin one of my favourite de cluttering routines. I filter.

1. instantly recycle maths and science books (confession: often without even looking through them!) Usually just worksheets and answers- no relevance any more. Also loose worksheets go straight into the recycling.

2. Usually recycle homework books. If there is a particularly good piece, such as a story, or holiday memories, I remove the page to put in their folders (more in a later posting) confession- yes, I do rip pages out of school books!

3. Usually recycle RE, geography and topic books, using the same method as number 3.

4. Read through English, history and art books. If the majority of the book is full, keep for now, if only partially full, remove pages of choice to file in kids folders.

5. This year I added a new step. As I browsed through the books I jotted down any common words that were misspelt and any obvious areas of concern. I will use this as a reference to work on with the kids over the holidays.

And there you have it, my filtering system for the end of school carrier bags. Of course, it is probably a bit of a brutal system for some people, but I just know that it would stress me out more to store bagfuls of school books and worksheets for years than it would to have to potentially explain to my child in years to come why I threw their old maths books away.

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Pocket money system

We sometimes get asked how we manage pocket money with five children. We have tried a few systems over the years, but currently have found one that works well for us and we are able to stick to.

1. We pay the children monthly.

This solves two problems for us, firstly, it's much easier to have the cash ready once a month that once a week- we were constantly forgetting and then ending up in debt to the children, who then wanted to buy things, we used our card, they kept track and it felt like they always had more money that we thought they should! Paying monthly solves this problem- they have the money and are in charge of spending it, or paying us back when we get home if they've forgotten to take it. The second problem it solves is helping the children to save and budget better. When they were getting pocket money weekly it was hard for the little ones to resist spending it every week, and then complain that they weren't able to buy the toys they wanted. This way, they are able to have a bit more money at once, but have to understand that when it's gone they have to wait a month before the next 'pay day' so far it's worked well.

2. We start giving the children pocket money when they begin school. Again, we have just found that this age works well, they start to appreciate the value of money, and are able to work out some simple maths.

3. The amount will differ for every family. We give their age in £, so a ten year old gets £10 per month, but we 'enforce' a £3 a month per child savings. So a 4 year old gets £1 a month, a 7 year old would get £4 a month and so on. The £3 goes into their own savings account for the future. This will teach the children to save every month, and hopefully be something they carry on once they start working.

We have been using this system for a couple of years, and so far it works well for us :)

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Spending time together

One thing that is important to us in a bigger family is spending time together. We enjoy walking, bike rides, cinema trips, swimming...the list goes on. Of course, we do all we can to save money in those areas, more of how we do that in a later post.

However, something that is important to us is making sure to spend time individually with each child to build a closer relationship with them. As their mum, I am home with them the majority of the time, but around a year ago, I noticed that although I am always with them, I am not always 'with' them. What I mean is that although I am always physically there, mentally, not always! Housework, homework, doctors appointments, after school play dates or activities, and just everyday life can take over if I'm not careful. I realised that I wasn't actually spending any quality time with them, and I wanted to change this. I thought about it for awhile, wondering how to fit something else into the schedule without overburdening us all, and came up with the following solution. I realised that I went food shopping at least once a week. I usually did it in the evening, or a Saturday morning (ie, when the kids were home from school, so hubby could have 'quality' time with them, whilst I had a fairly relaxing stroll up and down the aisles of the local supermarket) I decided that if I took one child a week with me on this trip, I could turn it into a weekly mum/child date without any extra time being taken from the family time. I made a few changes to my routine, and invited the first child along. I decided firstly, that I would restart my once a month online delivery (more about that later) so that the weekly shop was not a large shop. I invited the child to estimate the cost of the food as we went, and I would do the same. Whoever got closest to the actual total won a treat from McDonald's on the way home; usually an ice cream. Of course, although I have come close to beating the kids at this game, I, unfortunately have never won! ;) I also allow them to select any box of cereal that they desire, (which must be shared with everyone) something which they couldn't quite believe, having spent years becoming accustomed to porridge, wheatabix, bran flakes and the occasional box of Cheerios! 'You mean I'm allowed coco pops?!'

Although I was concerned at first about 'giving up' a piece of my 'freedom' in allowing a child to come with me on the shopping trips, I have gained so much more in return. I loom forward to this one on one time, and enjoy overhearing the kids discuss whose turn it is this week, what cereal they might choose, and whether or not this might be the week mum actually beat them and they wouldn't get an ice cream. It's a chance for me to ask a few questions about how they're doing, away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and without everyone overhearing it. Although it's only once a month, it seems to come round quickly for each child, and food shopping has become something I really enjoy. The older kids are getting quicker and better at estimating the total cost, and learning about the cost of food, and how much we spend each week

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You have how many kids???

When I am out and about with all 5 children, this is a question that is not far from the lips of most people I come across. To be fair, it is not always voiced out loud, but I can read it in their eyes. Before they can stop themselves, it is often swiftly followed with something along the lines of 'you don't look old enough!' Truth be told, I'm never quite sure how to answer either question, or even if they require an answer. I usually just mumble something about 'yep, they're all mine, and I'm definitely old enough to have them!' I'm not quite sure why, but I often also find an uncontrollable urge to mention the fact that I have a degree (see what I just did there? I'm starting a blog about my children and family, and the first thing I point out?!) therefore guiding people to the natural reasoning that I must be choosing to stay home, it is not because I'm uneducated or unemployable, although there are many, many days when I definitely feel both!

I have decided, that there is no need any more to justify having a 'large family'; funny thing is, I'm from a family of four, and my husband of five, and one of my best friends growing up was from a family of ten, so five just feels normal to us, not large. I'd simply like to share some of the things we do that work, and also some of the things we've done that don't work! There may be more of the latter postings! Often people ask me how we manage with 5 between the ages of 2 and 12, and so this blog is just to share some of our thoughts on family life, mealtimes, food, bedtimes, budgeting, after school clubs and I'm sure many other things. What we do usually works for us, but is obviously not right for everyone. We hope you enjoy a little glimpse into our everyday life, the good, the bad....and sometimes the downright ugly....

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